


It's Never Gonna Happen

by hyphenation



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dennis is horrible, Explicit Sexual Content, Fantasizing, First Time, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, POV Alternating, Slow Burn, Time's up for the gang, Wet Dream, What else is new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-07-18 21:42:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16127312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyphenation/pseuds/hyphenation
Summary: Set right after "Time's up for the gang" ends.Dennis is just honest. He tells it like it is, and Mac's always been able to deal with that just fine. Until now. He doesn't understand why that has changed, and why now.





	1. Self-delusion is a hell of a drug

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my attempt at dealing with "Time’s up for the gang". A bit of a slow burn, but I promise it’s going places. These are horrible people, and I’m not shying away from that, but that doesn’t mean that I condone their actions in this story, either.

“I can’t believe you called me ugly, man. I’m not, though... Am I?” Mac called out from the couch to Dennis who was rummaging through the fridge, looking for anything to drink.

“Dude, you’re _all_ ugly. And that pathetic fitness lifestyle you’ve adopted, what the hell, man. We all know you’re compensating for something. Just because you’ve changed your haircut, gotten abs and stopped wearing aloha shirts does not mean you’re suddenly attractive, Mac.” Dennis responded, matter-of-factly, as he stood by the counter opening a bottle of beer.

Mac’s hopeful expression faded, and he slumped together on the couch. He turned his face away from the kitchen and turned on the TV. “Whatever, Dennis. You know, sometimes you can be such a dick. I would _never_ call you ugly.” His voice had lowered, and his eyes were glued to the screen.

Dennis laughed as he walked towards the couch. “Don’t you think I know that? Why would you call _me_ ugly, that would be hilarious. Like I told you, it’s never gonna happen.” He smiled that vicious smile of his, the one he always smiled whenever he knew he’d hit a nerve. He sat down onto the opposite end of the couch and put his feet on the table. “What are we watching? Predator?” As if he hadn’t just said something very mean. As if everything was just the way it had always been. He glanced in Mac’s direction, hoping for a wide-eyed smile and an _“I’ll just pop some popcorn for us”_.

Mac didn’t meet his gaze, though. No smile. He just kept staring at the TV, and after a bit he got to his feet as he said “You know what, I think I’m gonna go to bed. Yeah, I’ll do that." His body language and the tone in his voice was almost the same as that time back at Guigino’s when he’d gotten angry with Dennis because he wouldn’t say anything nice to him, but this time there was more hurt and less defiance in his voice.

“Whaaah? No movie night? Don’t be like that, Mac. Come on.” Dennis fumbled, not knowing what to say. He tried to laugh it off – “You know it’s true! I’m not saying it to be mean, those are just the facts. Come on, let’s just watch a-“

The door behind Mac shut close, leaving Dennis alone in the living room.

That’s not how he imagined the night would end. Ever since Dennis had returned to Philly, they’d spent most nights together in the apartment. Either watching a movie, drinking, joking around, or a combination of all three. He now realized that he had missed it, and the realization irked him. How could Mac be such a brat and just leave him there alone? Ridiculous. It almost angered him. How could he be so selfish and just cancel movie night with no warning? It was like dealing with a fucking chick, they were all so sensitive to his criticisms. That’s why lately he could barely tolerate their presence. They were all so _god damned_ annoying, flat-chested and whiney. And Mac was turning into one of them.

Dennis turned the TV off, went into the bathroom, applied his 8 step skincare routine and went to bed. He starred at the ceiling, still angry. Mac should appreciate his honesty, he was only speaking his mind. He’d always dealt with it before, only difference now was that he was out of the closet. While Mac wasn’t the ugliest out of the gang, he still needed to hear the truth. Now a days he was always popping his shirt off and flexing all over the place. He needed to calm down. Also, he was always touching him. His thigh, his shoulder, his waist. Dennis never used to mind it before, but it didn’t happen as frequent back then. Besides, he used to do the same. That was just their thing, but Dennis would always be the one in charge. He would strategically put his hands on Mac in a given situation to lead him in the right direction. He knew the affect it had on him, and he knew how to use it. If all else failed, he would cup Mac’s face in his hands to calm him down, it was the ultimate tool of control. Now it seemed like Mac thought he could control _him_ , so he’d _had_ to tell him off. Put him in his place, let him know that he couldn’t just do what he wanted to him.

…

The next day Dennis got up at 12am. He’d slept for 10 hours, and he felt great. No hangover. Didn’t even remember how pissed off he’d been before he fell asleep. He put his robe on and walked into the kitchen to get his morning cup of joe, expecting it to be freshly brewed in the machine. It was empty.

“Mac, did you drink all the coffee?” he yelled out, almost annoyed but he restrained himself. “Mac?! Did you not even put it on?” He knocked on his door, but no answer. He wasn’t in the bathroom either. Weird. Dennis didn’t even know how to turn the damn thing on, Mac had always said it was extremely dangerous due to the high chance of the filter over-heating, or something like that. So he’d have to go sans caffeine until he got to the bar.

…

“Eyooo, what’s up guys? Do we have any coffee, I need my fix.” Dennis did a little drum roll with his fingers on the bar counter, excited to get the day started. No-one answered him, the gang was focused on Mac, who was standing in front of him.

“Guys, I’m talking 9-10 inches. Full on. And it was thick. Not the biggest I’ve seen but it was impressive.” Mac was standing with his back against Dennis, and the gang seemed immersed in whatever story he was telling them.

“10 inches you say, huh? That’s like, gotta be at _least_ as big as this pen!” Charlie said in his “smart” voice.

“A pen, really Charlie?! Your illiteracy is seeping into your understanding of numbers and basic math. I myself have seen my fair share of 10’s. The last guy I was with, this beefy firefighter who wanted me to date him, must have been almost an 11,” Dee bragged, as if any of them would believe a beefy firefighter would go near her.

“That’s nothing! This one time in the 70’s at an orgy, I saw a guy with what must have been 15 inches. It was freaky, almost horse-like-“

“Ey ey ey, what the hell are you guys talking about?” Dennis intercepted and put his arm on Mac’s shoulder. He could feel him tense up underneath him, and almost pull away from the touch. It made him wrap his arm even tighter around him.

“Mac was just telling us about how big of a dick this Alan guy from your fake seminar had, apparently it was quite the huge deal” Dee informed him, all excitedly.

Dennis was still standing with his arm around Mac’s shoulder, ignoring his obvious (to Dennis, at least) discomfort. “Oh, yeah? Fascinating!” he said in a strained high pitch, before swiftly steering the conversation in a different direction. “You guys, I need my caffeine. This guy didn’t remember to put on any coffee this morning, please tell me we have some here”. Dennis was still holding onto Mac, his tenseness made him want to underscore just _how_ much power he actually had over him. He lowered his hand and wrapped it around Mac’s waist, smiled widely and finally let go as he started walking after Charlie to go behind the bar where the coffee was.

Mac stood still in the same spot with a puzzled look on his face. Dennis glanced at him - it looked like he was solving a mental equation, until he abruptly declared “I’m taking the day off” and walked straight out of the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the fist fic i've ever written and posted. I haven't written anything but uni coursework and long-ass reddit comments for at least 6 years, so yeah... I hope it doesn't suck. And English isn't my first language.


	2. Even in the dark, I feel your resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dennis is furious with Mac for ditching work and leaving him alone in the apartment for the second night in a row.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is taken from Lana Del Rey's Mariners Apartment Complex, inspired by a tumblr post linking the song to MacDennis (i tried finding it again, but i think it got deleted. If not, please tell me so i can link to it).
> 
> Ok, so this is no longer rated mature, but explicit. I think most following chapters will be, too. 
> 
>  
> 
> Set immediately after chapter 1 ended.

Ten inches. Who would even want that? Ten inches was just _too_ much, he didn’t understand how Mac could sound so excited by the thought. Typical slutty gay Mac, he figured. Always lusting after the unattainable, just like he’d pined for Dennis for the last 20 years. 

Dennis was tending the bar, only a couple of tables were occupied. It was late in the afternoon, almost time to go home and let Dee take over. He was still thinking about the conversation the gang had had about that Alan guy. It annoyed him to no end. The fact that in addition to that, Mac had split and left him to tend the bar alone, made him furious. His rage had built up throughout the day, and he was almost about to blow up. He tried his best at holding it in, but had to say something when he finally got back to the apartment. It was empty, and the relief of finally being alone took over, as he burst into a tirade against Mac’s ridiculous behaviour.

“The day off!? _Really?_ He thinks he can just fucking walk right out, ignore his responsibilities and leave me alone to tend the bar AND check ID's? _Idiot!_ He should know his place. Thinks he can just touch me as he pleases, pop his shirt off everywhere at all times, talk loudly about how much he loves 10 inch dicks in the middle of the bar and on top of that _leave_?! Motherfucker, _that mother **fucker**_.”

Dennis was red-faced, he’d almost screamed the last couple of words. He felt a small sense of relief from putting his pent-up frustrations into audible words, but he was still angry. He stood by the kitchen counter, leaning against it as he pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. He needed another drink. Probably the seventh of the day, all beers. He opened the cold bottle and took it with him to the bathroom. He undressed, turned the shower on and just stood there, beer in hand (away from the stream of water), as he took slow and deep breaths. After 15 minutes of doing nothing, except for finishing his beer, he stepped out and barely even dried off with the towel. He couldn’t be bothered, and walked to his room naked, the towel now wrapped on his head. He threw himself on the bed, on top of the covers, and laid there on his back for a good while.

He was wondering where Mac was, but didn’t want to admit to the thought. He knew where he most likely was. This marked the second consecutive night that they weren’t hanging out. When Mac had gone to The Rainbow other nights, he’d brought Dennis with him. He hadn’t particularly liked it, but it was fine. Much like any other bar, except men came onto him far more than at other places. The compliments were nice, at least they could see how attractive he was. He pretended as if Mac wasn’t getting more attention, but he knew the actual truth. Dennis was used to being the one who always got laid while the other one went home empty-handed. But now the shoe was on the other foot, and Mac was probably having sex in that very moment. Surely, he was enjoying himself a lot more than Dennis was.  

Dennis couldn’t help it, but soon an image of Mac on his knees inserted itself in his consciousness. He tried to shake it off, but couldn’t. Mac was bobbing his head up and down on a faceless man’s figure. The man had his hand rested on the back of Mac’s head, as he was eagerly sucking his cock. Mac took it all. Dennis could hear the sounds in his head, but quickly opened his eyes in an attempt to rid himself of the fantasy. He shook his head and turned over to lay on his stomach.

The fantasy wouldn’t let go. Dennis could still hear Mac’s moans and sucking noises in his head. He saw him kissing the penis, almost caressing it. _“I just love having your cock in my mouth. The taste, the warmth, the feeling of it filling me up. And it’s so big, Alan. So thick…”_  
  
Laying on his stomach did not work out the way he intended it to. The fantasy angered him, and that made it even worse. "Worse", as in better. Dennis’ hips were grinding into the mattress, slowly yet forcefully. The fantasy had taken on its own life, and finally he let it run through his mind in whichever way it was going to unfold. He kept on thrusting, until his hands moved from his nipples to his own dick. He licked his hand and grabbed it again, now working up a steady pace. By this point, all he could see behind his closed eyes, was Mac’s elated face, and a cock in hand that now was noticeably smaller than the one in the earlier visions. Mac licked up the shaft before he finally said something again:

 _“Please, I want your come”_ his soft voice pleaded. _“I want you to come in my mouth. I want to feel it, taste it. Please, Dennis.”_ In the same instant, Dennis _did_ come. But it wasn’t into Mac’s mouth, it was onto his own hands, stomach and bed sheets. His breath and body gently convulsed, before he fell with all of his weight onto his stomach again. In that moment he didn’t even care about the dirty sheets and the fact that he would have to shower again. A part of him realised what had just happened, but he pushed it to the back of his brain and focused on how good he felt, before he finally allowed himself to fall asleep.

 

…

 

Dennis could sense a faint smell of coffee coming from the kitchen. It was early morning, and he was still laying naked on top of the sheets. He hadn’t cleaned himself up, hadn’t even moved from _that spot_. He didn’t think about it, pushed it back. He was a master at this, always had been. He got up, put his robe on and walked into the living room, on his way to the bathroom.

“Morning, Dennis,” Mac called out from the kitchen. Despite him initiating the greeting, his voice was lacking in enthusiasm. He always used to be so excited to see Dennis in the morning, his eyes would light up. Now he was making himself a protein shake and a cup of coffee, not lifting his gaze from what his hands were preoccupied with. 

“Yeah - morning, Mac. Save some coffee for me, would you? I’mma pop into the shower for a quick second.” Maybe things were slowly going back to normal now, though? Mac was making coffee again, and at least we was _there_ , in the apartment. Dennis took a swift, cold shower. He needed to fully wake up. He brushed his teeth, applied his skincare routine, wrapped the robe around himself again and the towel around his head. He was excited to get back into things again.

“Dude, I can’t wait for that coffee. The one at the bar yesterday wasn’t the same as the one you make.” Dennis walked into the kitchen, poured the coffee into a Fight Milk mug and sat down next to Mac on the couch. He was watching TV again. Dennis noticed the ever growing silence – Mac hadn’t really responded to anything he’d said or done. They sat in silence, watching a crappy rerun of an old wrestling match. Finally, Dennis bit his lips and had to break the ice.

“Dude, what’s going on? You haven’t even said a word. And yesterday, _the hell_? You left me at the bar to do all the hard work by myself! What were you even _doing_ all day?” his voice had raised in pitch and volume with every word. Mac didn’t respond, he just shrugged his shoulders, as if to say _“I don’t know”._ That ticked Dennis off even more. “Really, that’s how it’s going to be? You’re not gonna say anything? Jesus Christ, Mac, you’re such a baby. Can’t even speak up for yourself, can’t even give me an answer?” he was shouting by now. Mac didn’t seem to mind, he just sat there, unfazed.

This was something entirely new to Dennis. Mac would always at least defend himself, or apologize for his behaviour. He’d panic whenever Dennis would yell at him or point out his flaws. Now, Dennis was the one on the verge of panicking. He soon realised, and brought his temper down. He had to switch gears and approach the situation differently. Use his ultimate tool of control. He put his hand on Mac’s shoulder, and ran it down his arm, gently rubbing it. Mac’s reaction wasn’t as evident as it had been at the bar the day before, but Dennis could sense an ounce of tenseness. He moved his hand down to pet his thigh. Mac turned his head towards Dennis, turned off the TV with the remote, and finally Dennis was going to be in control of the situation again. 

At least that’s what he expected would happen. Instead, Mac calmly removed Dennis’ hand from his thigh, and got up from the couch. He looked down upon him as he chose his words carefully.

“That’s not cool, Dennis. You told me yourself you didn’t want me touching you at all, so you don’t get to do it either. You don’t get to control me like that. I’m gonna be more better at the whole “objectification” thing and then you can stop using my… like, whatever thing it is that I… you, know… Like, using my attraction to you against me.”

Dennis was gobsmacked. He didn’t know what to say at first and fumbled, but soon chose the next line of attack. 

“Control? The hell are you on about?! Is this all because I called you ugly? Really?! You know, after you came out of the closet, you’ve become so vain. Can’t even handle the truth. You know it’s never going to change, and now you’re being pissy about me being straight with you. Like, literally.”

“Okay, whatever, Dennis. I’m leaving now. You can join me or walk to the bar alone.”


	3. In all the good times I find myself longing for change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s movie night. Is Mac wearing new jeans? Towels are meant for soaking up water. 
> 
> And breasts – huge breasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from the song Shelter from the A Star is Born soundtrack. What can I say, I'm a basic gay bitch and creativity isn't my forte.

It had been 3 weeks since their last fight. Mac hadn’t touched Dennis since, and neither had Dennis Mac. They still had movie nights, from time to time, but it wasn’t the same. They wouldn’t have excited discussions about the dong shots, and Mac had completely stopped talking about body mass. It was weird, to say the least.

Dennis had convinced himself that this was somehow better, though. It was what he had always wanted! Mac’s never-ending monologues about how _jacked_ , _beefy_ , and _toned_ certain male actors were, had always annoyed Dennis to no end. It was as if he expected him to always chime in and entertain his ideas, especially after he had come out of the closet. Thank _god_ he’d stopped talking about it.

And Mac had _finally_ done what Dennis had asked him to – stop touching and kissing him. Now Dennis no longer had to worry about all the women he could be missing out on, due to them misinterpreting Mac’s constant touching of him as something consensual. That _must_ have been why he’d been less lucky with the ladies the last year – they must have thought him and Mac were together. He couldn’t remember ever getting laid this infrequent in his adult life. All Mac’s fault, of course. Mac could keep his hands to himself and Dennis would be _kind_ and do the same. Spare the poor guy the heartache of false hope. Yes, this was how it was always supposed to be. Just two cool 40-year-old bros living together like the young bachelors they were.

Dennis didn’t want to be nice, though. He wanted to make Mac suffer. They were watching The Expendables 2 in silence, and at every single moment, Dennis wanted to move closer. Make Mac squirm inside from the realisation that the space between them was reducing by the minute. When they had been standing in the kitchen earlier, Dennis had to execute extreme restraint not to reach out and brush his hand up against Mac’s back as he walked past him. He wanted him to be reminded of just how nice his touches were. How good they made Mac feel, but more importantly how bad they consequently made him feel when he realised that all they were, was platonic. But Dennis couldn’t. He had to be nice and stay away, or else Mac would see that as an invitation for him go back to his old handsy ways.

“I’m gonna get another beer, you want one?” Dennis could barely hear what Mac had just said, he was lost in thought. He took a split second to come back to reality and nodded in agreement.

Instead of walking around the table, Mac squeezed his body between the coffee table and Dennis, as if they were on a plane and Dennis had the aisle seat. That surely woke him up – Mac’s ass was just an inch away from his face. _Was he wearing new jeans?_

“Dude, what did you think about Dolph Lundgren in that scene? Pretty impressive, am I right?” Dennis didn’t think until after he’d spoken. When he realised the topic of conversation he’d just initiated, he quickly told himself that he just wanted something to talk about during the pause. No awkward silence.

“Nah, a bit old for me. I prefer that Hemsworth guy,” Mac replied from the kitchen.

“Wha– for  real?! Dolph _clearly_ got his pump on here, Mac! All this film needs to kick it up to a 10 is some full penetration.” Dennis grinned.

Mac’s face scrunched up, as if he’d smelled something foul. “Dude, no. I do _not_ wanna see that. Just get some porn instead, Dennis. Lots of fucked up shit for your kinks out there on the web.”

What the hell? Mac had never turned down an opportunity to talk about _men’s physique_ before, and worst of all – he was disagreeing with Dennis. He only said that thing about Dolph’s pump because he wanted Mac to be excited about the topic of conversation.

He was walking towards the couch again, but this time he walked around the coffee table instead. Dennis sighed, a bit of a disappointed look on his face. Mac handed him the beer and pressed play again.

 

…

 

Dennis was eating breakfast at the dining table the next day when Mac stepped out of the bathroom with a towel hanging low on his waist. He’d just showered, his hair was wet and so was the rest of his body. His feet left wet marks on the floor, Dennis noticed, and it pissed him off.

“Seriously? You’re just gonna walk all over the living room like a _drenched dog_ , leaving _pools_ of water at your every step? Jesus christ, Mac, the towel’s function is to soak it up, it’s not a piece of clothing!” Dennis’ voice was strained.

Mac was caught off guard, he didn’t look like he was expecting that reaction from Dennis. “Dude, relax! I’ll fix it.”  
  
“Oh, you will? Are you just gonna _fix_ it? When?! After you’ve gotten dressed, you’re just gonna _wipe_ the floor dry? You always take an exorbitant amount of time to get dressed, Mac. In that time we’re gonna have _water damage_! You haven’t thought of the water damage, idiot! You should have dried off, _and then_ walked out. I can’t believe I have to deal with shit like this.”

“Alright, alright! Gimmie a second, man,” Mac said in a stressed voice as he ran into his room. 10 seconds later he ran out again, noticeably dryer, dressed in only white briefs. He wiped the floors with the towel in an instant.

“Is it okay now? My god, you’re antsy today. It’s been bad lately.”

Dennis had calmed down and was staring at Mac. The real reason why could be disguised by mostly focusing on Mac’s face, and with an expression of frustration painted on his own. It wouldn’t look like he was staring at his body, he assured himself, and told himself that Mac looked ridiculous. It brought back memories to 15 years ago when Mac constantly would walk around the apartment in nothing but underwear. He was so skinny back then, and in extreme denial. He would take every excuse to lean against Dennis, to touch him. Things were a bit different then.

A bitter feeling crept up on him. If he had acknowledged its presence he wouldn’t have any other choice but to describe it as longing. But he _knew_ that his ache to reach out and grab Mac was nothing but him wanting to make him suffer. That’s how he justified it to himself, at least.

“Ey, Dennis? You there?”

He had zoned out.

“Yeah, yeah. I just had to calm down a bit, you’re right. I _am_ antsy, and it’s because of your haphazard ass. Now, get dressed, we’re leaving in 10.”

“Okay, okay.”

 

…

 

"I mean, if they really were going to make an Expendables 2, a 3, and now also a 4, there should at least be more hot chicks in them. While we do get a lot of bi's and tri's and pecs and _mass_ , we're missing out on the _breasts_! They deny us of huge breasts, it's a travesty. Hollywood cinema has truly gone to shits ever since the turn of the century."

Mac, Dee, Charlie and Dennis were all gathered around the bar, with each their beer in hand. It was a refreshing topic of conversation, Dennis needed something to distract him from what was going on in his mind when he was alone. His head had been a mess ever since that night three weeks ago when Mac never came home, and he had been left to his own treacherous thoughts.

"No, this is what you're not getting, Dennis. See, modern cinema and society at large tends to favour butts and smaller tits now. It's all about _real_ women, not your twisted idea of them. Hollywood can appreciate the subtle beauty of smaller-breasted women, and so can I." Dee felt very strongly about the issue, judging by the enthusiasm in her words.

"Charlie, any thoughts? Back me up here, buddy," she said in desperation as she turned to him in need for support. His eyes seemed to focus on something very far away and abstract, and it took a second or two before he realized that they were all staring at him, expecting an answer.

"Uh, yeah! Breasts! I mean, I love me some breast. Preferably turkey, but chicken will do if I'm in a pinch." 

"Oh, goddamnit, Charlie! You can't even follow a simple conversation!"

" _What?!_ Sorry to disagree with you Dee, but breasts of any poultry kind are simply delicious! Add some cheese, some beak, and you've got yourself a feast!"

"No, idiot, we're talking about the human kind of breasts."

"Human?! Dee, we already tried the cannibal thing! I will NOT go back to that morgue with you."

"Oh jesus, oh lord jesus, what on earth?! What is he even on about, Dee? The morgue?" Dennis seemed genuinely concerned about where the conversation had taken them.

"He's a lost cause, guys," Mac simply added. 

"What about you then Mac, you haven't said a word? Can't appreciate boobs anymore?" Dennis almost hoped Mac would claim the opposite, even though he knew where his affinity laid now. All he really wanted was for them to have conversations like they used to have, to see Mac's eyes light up with every new subject Dennis introduced.

"Boobs? Nah, not really for me anymore. You can talk to Frank about it though, I'm sure you'll have lots in common there, since Dee disagrees and Charlie can't seem to think about anything but food."

In that moment, Frank came through the front door.

"Eyooo, gang! Charlie, I need you back at the apartment, we need to sort out the sludge situation."

"Oh _thank god_ , Frank. I can't deal with this cannibalistic-eating-breast conversation. Bring on the slugs!" Charlie mumbled, as he followed Frank out the door.

The remaining gang turned to each other, all with puzzled looks on their faces.

"I don't think we'll ever be able to understand the anomaly that is Charlie's psyche," Dennis said. 

"Or the fascinating nature of his and Frank's relationship," Mac interjected, his face smug, as if he’d just said something very smart.

"That's rich coming from you guys, you're in the weirdest relationship I've ever observed, spanning over 20 years. And lately it's only gotten weirder, _because_ of the sudden distance between the two of you, believe it or not. What's really going on here? This about him calling you ugly, Mac?"

"It is not weird, Dee, and there's nothing going on? I don't even know what you're on about!" Dennis spoke on impulse. Had she noticed it too?

"Yeah! There's no beef! And why does everyone think that the reason I'm angry at him is for calling me ugly, I didn't even flinch at that.”

 _Lies,_ Dennis thought to himself. He definitely flinched at it.

"So, you're admitting that you're pissed at him for something, then? If it's not the ugly thing, is it the kissing part?" Dee retorted.

Mac was flabbergasted. "Uh, no?! The... the... that is not what I'm talking about! I didn't even say I was pissed at him, you're twisting my words! And it's not about me not getting to kiss him anymore, either!"

"So, you're the one who's pissed then, Den? Cause Mac's still kissing you? I don't even get you, you've always loved how much he's in love with you."

"I am not!" Mac shouted as he jumped off of his bar stool, fists clenched.

"Lies, _lies_! I do _not_ love how in love he is with me. Stupid bitch, you failed all your psychology classes, _do not_ pretend to read me. And for your information, Mac doesn't even touch me anymore, so you can shut the hell up. Stupid bird."

"Yeah! Stupid bird. Let's get out of here, Dennis. We don't need to listen to this shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hilariously had me thinking about the Arrested Development “no touching! no touching!” gag. I need every laugh I can get in this MacDennis hellhole I’ve fallen into.
> 
> Next chapter will be from Mac’s perspective. I think there will be 5 or 6 chapters in total.


	4. There's beauty buried beneath the surface of what we see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac and Dennis are talking again. Some subjects aren’t as welcomed as others, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the context of the show’s canon up till S13E05, Dennis has his Range Rover again. I decided to include that in this chapter. This one is from Mac’s perspective, but it’ll switch right back to Dennis in the next one.
> 
> Chapter title taken from the City and Color song Blood. Go listen to it.

They were sitting in the Range Rover, Mac in the front passenger seat. They said nothing, but he felt strangely happy. They were both visibly upset at Dee, and it felt good to be on the same page about something again, even if it was something as basic as how fucking stupid that giant bird was.

Dennis was driving them back to the apartment. Mac observed him from the corner of his eye – he seemed to be transfixed on the road in front of them.

“That stupid bitch,” Dennis finally muttered. “Thinks she knows us? She knows nothing, _nothing_!”

“You’re so right, Dennis. Like, I didn’t even _care_ that you called me ugly?! I know I’m not, and a lot of people agree with me, so there’s that. You just said that because you’re _you_ ,” _and because you don’t want anyone to think we’re a thing_ , Mac finished in his head.

No response. Dennis kept on staring at the road, clenching the wheel. It made Mac feel a bit nervous, he knew that Dennis’ rage mixed with alcohol wasn’t the safest for driving. Still, they got there in one piece.

Once inside the apartment, Dennis went straight for the fridge. “You want one, Mac?” he asked, simultaneously throwing a bottle towards him, apparently expecting a _yes._

Mac caught the bottle of beer mid-air before he could even respond to Dennis’ offer. He wasn’t quite in the mood for it, but he wanted to maintain the good tone between them. Well, it wasn’t exactly _good_ , but at least they agreed on a topic they both felt passionately about. The physical distance growing between them for the last three weeks seemed to have increased their emotional and mental distance, too. Mac had always felt like their relationship was _more_ than pure friendship, and especially after he accepted himself as gay, he had realized just how different it was from other people’s friendships. _Friends_ don’t cling to each other’s sides the way they did. Friends don’t check in on each other every hour, and they certainly do not kiss. Granted, Mac had always been the one to initiate the kissing, and Dennis would ultimately always back away. Also, it had only happened a handful of times, mostly when they were drunk, but still. Dennis had kissed him back a couple of times, if only for a second.

That’s _one_ of the reasons why Mac had initially made the decision to back away from Dennis – him exposing and accusing Mac in front of the gang and the entire “seminar” felt oddly disingenuous to him. Why would Dennis not want him to touch him, when _he_ had been touching Mac all the time? It was an obvious double standard, and his behaviour towards Mac when they were alone was different than when they were with the gang. But then again, maybe Mac  _had_ been a bit too forward after Dennis came back from North Dakota. That's the second reason why he'd been so distant, and actually listened to Dennis' proclaimed wishes - he didn't want him to feel objectified. Didn't want to be too much for him. He wanted to be respectful, but at the same time he also wanted to see how his lack of affection towards and disinterest in Dennis would affect him. Evidently, it did make him more of a dick than he already was. 

Pulled back to reality, Mac noticed Dennis walking towards him, smiling. He braced himself – that smile always meant he was going to do something unpredictable. Mac had to remind himself to keep his face neutral and his thoughts contained, he had promised himself he would _not_ entertain his impulses when it came to Dennis. Just when he thought the moment was over, he felt a hand on his waist, slowly moving to his lower back, and finally up towards his upper arm, before it let go, and Dennis had walked past him. It was the first time he’d touched him since Mac had told him off, and the sensation almost made Mac break his promise. Instead, he pretended like nothing had happened.

As did Dennis. “Yo, man. Let’s watch some TV,” he called out from the couch. Mac followed along.

With some shitty sit-com running in the background, Mac contemplated bringing back the _Dee’s such a bitch_ -topic, but he was itching to talk about something else. He reassured himself that he wouldn’t be breaking his promise to himself, he would just be initiating a simple conversation. He decided to use their shared disdain of Dee in order to get to the subject he really wanted them to talk about.

“Dee, man. She thinks she’s _so_ smart, as if she’s more smarter than us? Than you? Cause you’re like the smartest person I know, dude.”

Praise, Dennis loved praise. Mac had to go about this carefully.

“Yeah, I know. She doesn’t even have any friends – like how can she pretend to know _anything_ about what a normal friendship is like?” Dennis laughed in a taunting manner. 

“Yeah, yeah… Even though, it’s like, she does kind of have a point? Of course, it’s only by accident, she doesn’t _really_ know what she’s talking about!”

Dennis turned to Mac with a stunned expression. It honestly scared Mac a bit. He had to take a deep breath before he continued.

“I _mean_ , do friends touch each-other the way you just touched me back there?” he instantly regretted opening his mouth.

“The fuck are you talking about, can’t a man bump into his friend without it being taken as an invitation for him to kiss him? Jesus Christ, Mac, that’s sad. You should go get laid, maybe you’d be less horny around me.”  
  
“I am not! You always do this, you son of a bitch. You _definitely_ did not just “bump” into me, and you’ve been all sulky ever since I told _you_ to stop touching _me_.”

This wasn’t going as smoothly as he’d pictured. He definitely had _not_ gone about it carefully.

Dennis’ face twisted into a hideous scowl. He leapt to his feet, absolutely furious at Mac. “That’s ridiculous, _you’re_ the gay one who’s always kissing _me_! _I_ am the golden god, do not presume to know the motivations behind my actions! I’ll fucking-“

“ _I’ll_ fucking-“ Mac jumped to his feet, his face inches away from Dennis'. His fists were clenched, as if he was about to strangle him. Instead he backed up a bit, leaving a couple of feet between them. It took all the restraint in him not to go for Dennis’ neck. They were both too angry to be able to utter any words, so they just stared at each-other, scowling. Dennis’ face was hot red, and Mac’s surely wasn’t any less red.

All he wanted was for Dennis to admit that he missed him. That their relationship was in fact _not_ a normal one, and that at least some of the things he said about him at the “seminar” were lies, if only white _._ He should have known that the tactic wouldn’t work.

He took a deep breath, his mind went blank, and in an instant he knew what he had to do. To hell with his promise.

In the same exact moment, Dennis stepped into his personal space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for ending this on a cliffhanger...
> 
> This was the most difficult chapter till now for me to write. Chapter 5 is already almost finished (I wrote it before even starting on this one), so that’ll be up soon. It’s gonna be long one, to make up for how short this one is.
> 
> I hope you guys appreciate this Mac-centric part of the story.


	5. Down in the deep the current is stronger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from the song Honey by Robyn. Go listen to it and think of MacDennis. It’s perfect.
> 
> Some callbacks to earlier chapters, I hope you have checked them out. This one was tricky. Remember that we’re back to Dennis’ POV now. And I’m sorry about all the commas, it’s a weakness of mine.
> 
> Anyways, buckle up...

_Dennis stepped into Mac's personal space._ Asserting his dominance, he had to make him understand that _he_ was the one in control. He always was, and he always would be.

Out of nowhere, he felt a tight grip on his crotch. Mac was cupping him through his jeans. _No, this was not how this was supposed to go!_  Dennis froze. He dropped his gaze, almost as if he had to see it to realize what was happening. Mac's hand was still, but firm. He kept it there. Dennis' eyes met Mac's. "What are you doing, Mac," he said in a low, steady voice, seemingly unfazed.

"I'm grabbing your dick. What the fuck does it look like I'm doing."

"I told you I didn't want you touching me."

"Yeah, you said a lot of things. Yet you kept on touching me. I hadn't thought about it before, not really, but you always have. Your words don't match your actions, dude."

They maintained eye contact, inches apart. Mac kept his hand on Dennis' crotch, but refrained from doing anything more. It was as if they were at a standstill, waiting for the other one to make his move. Dennis could feel the blood pumping in his veins. He could hear it. Mac's touch had never had this effect on him before, not like _this_. He blamed his arousal on an involuntary biological reaction, one that can be triggered by touch, no matter by who or in what situation. He took a sharp and long inhale through his nose, closed his eyes and then opened them again. 

"You're fooling yourself. I'm not into you, Mac. I've never been, despite all of your trials. Don't you think we would have banged by now if I'd found you attractive?" He had to change tactics. _Again._

"All these years you spent inside the closet and you never fucked any guys, cause you were hoping I'd put out. Almost never even banged women. All the while, I had my fair share of both. Women… and men-“

Dennis dropped his gaze to slowly analyze Mac from crotch back up to his eyes again, in an effort to reinforce the malice and sexual tone of his words. He bit his lower lip, before he continued: 

“Just to try it, you know. And I liked it, but  _still_ I didn't want you."

All of that was a lie. Dennis hadn't even _seriously_ considered sleeping with guys before, except for that one time as Brian Lefevre, but he knew that the lie was his best line of attack at this point. At first it seemed like it worked – Mac was taken aback by his words, anger and frustration painted on his face, but then he smiled wryly and adjusted his grip on Dennis. He gently started to rub, deliberately slow.

"Dennis. I can feel it. I know you want to get off with me, I know you, man. And you _know_ I'd be so good to you," he confidently murmured in a low voice.

Dennis' eyes were closed now. He focused on breathing steadily. He couldn't arrange his thoughts properly, they were constantly contradicting each other. Suddenly he felt himself being shoved against the wall. His back was pinned against it, Mac leaning his free hand to it, inches away from Dennis’ face.

In one way Mac's behaviour was dominating, but in another it was almost pleading. Dennis didn't know which part excited him the most. A voice inside him was screaming at him to break away, to end the situation before it turned into something he no longer could control. He knew that once he let go of the mental restraints he’d put on himself for so many years, there was no going back. As each second passed, the part of him that wanted to remain retained, dwindled. Faded into the back of his mind, overtaken by a long dormant longing he had never allowed himself to truly examine. It overtook his notorious need for control of any sexual situation, and replaced it with a suppressed hunger for someone to _take_ him. 

Dennis opened his eyes and slowly started to move against Mac's hand. "Okay. Maybe I do want to." 

Mac smiled widely, almost in awe of the realization of what was about to happen. He took a moment to look Dennis in the eyes, and finally moved his hand from his crotch up to his cheek. He leaned in and kissed him, more enthusiastically than ever before. The kisses they'd shared and _almost_ shared in the past were all initiated by Mac in some kind of heightened state – like the one where they ditched Frank’s trash plan in favour of their old selling gas plan, and when the Eagles won the Super Bowl – and all of them had abruptly been broken by a startled Dennis.

This wasn’t. This time he was prepared, but what he _wasn't_ prepared for was the feeling it would bring him. The kiss started out slow, Mac carefully moving his lips in synergy with Dennis'. He proceeded by gently licking between Dennis’ lips, causing him to open them and allowing him to enter his mouth. It turned wet and frantic, but with a subtle hint of restraint to it. Dennis felt incredible. Their tongues intertwined as Mac was pushing him up against the wall with his weight, until he finally broke the kiss and lessened his pressure on him.

"Bedroom." he demanded, and started walking towards Dennis' room. Dennis stopped him and said "No, let's use yours. You have lube." It wasn’t the real reason why, but Dennis needed a quick and easy excuse.

That sent Mac over the edge. “Christ, Dennis!” his face lit up in excitement and he picked Dennis up off of the floor, secured his feet around his waist and carried him into his own room. Dennis didn't realize that with all the new muscle mass, strength also came with. Suddenly he was laying on his back – Mac had dropped him onto the bed, and a second later he was on top of him.

"God, Dennis. I've waited so long for this," he was caressing his entire body, slowly beginning to remove the items of clothing that covered it. "All the times I've thought about you when I was touching myself." His voice was lower and raspier than usual. "All the times I've come to your videos. All the times I've pretended that the person _I_ was coming inside was you. That the person coming inside _me_ was you. God." 

Dennis never liked much for his conquests to talk during the act. Of course, he loved being praised, but this was different. He must have _known_ that Mac would do those things, at least he knew that Mac fantasized about him when he was alone. At times he could hear him through the wall moaning and whimpering in his room at night, followed by low sighs of his name. He’d even seen him come to several of his tapes, they'd watched them together. But hearing his admission in this way, from Mac's own mouth as it was sucking at his nipples was something else. Dennis was panting heavily, desperate to take things to the next level. He'd been hard for some time now. He was just going to not think and go for it.

“Will you fuck me, Mac? I want you to fuck me now.” He was impatient.

Mac’s reaction was bordering on funny. Wide-eyed, smiling with a veil of disbelief shrouded upon his face, he looked astonished. Surely realizing how funny he looked, he instantly gathered himself, but still with a smile glued to his face. He looked Dennis in the eyes and answered, “Holy shit, Den. Jesus Christ, this is so hot. _Of course_ I will.”

Mac proceeded to take off all of his clothes in a hurry, and Dennis sat up on the bed and removed the rest of his. In the dim light of Mac’s room, he looked even better than usual, standing by the edge of the bed. When Dennis had let go of the restraints - the control - he also let go of the ridiculous notions he had had about Mac’s appearance. He could see how beautiful he really was, now. He’d always been beautiful, even when he was fat (the beard suited him so well, and he was softer to touch back then), but now he was the hottest he’d ever been. The hair, his beard, his body. _His arms_ – Dennis wanted to be wrapped in them. Lay in them. Be slapped by them. Held tight.

“Tight." The word slipped Dennis' lips as he was staring at him. It could mean so many things, coming from him. He smiled, and Mac did too, bashfully. “I could blow you first, if you want. I’m really good at it,” Mac said as he leaned over him, nervousness thick in his throat.

“I don’t want you to blow me, I want you to fuck me, Mac. Now. Can’t you see I’m a bit further along here than you? And use a condom, for Christ’s sake,” he needed Mac to get to it.

“Wow, okay. I hate those fuckers, but if you insist.” Mac stood up and got lube and a condom from a drawer, and returned to Dennis at the edge of the bed. He sat down on the floor onto his knees, ran his hands up and down Dennis’ thighs, until he reached his hard cock. He held it in his hands, before he gently wiped the pre-come from the slit and jerked it a couple of times. Then he made him lift his knees to his stomach, so he could get better access.

“Okay, so… Since this is your first time imma be real careful, alright? Getting fucked by a guy isn’t the same as fucking one, _believe you me_ ,” genuine concern in Mac's voice.

“No need, Mac,” Dennis said hesitantly. He had to say it, he didn’t want to be treated like glass. Besides, he was kind of used to this. _Kind of_.

“What, you mean those guys you banged, actually banged _you_?”  
  
Dennis sighed, laid his feet down again and propped himself up on his elbows, “Well, actually I’ve never banged a dude, I just wanted to fuck with your head back there, was all,” he said, amused.

“Dude, what? That’s so messed up. But wait, then why _don’t_ I need to be careful?” bewilderment dominating Mac’s features.  
  
“Let’s just say I’m...  _open-minded_ to alternative means of stimulation.”

“Dude, I’ve seen all your tapes, and _never_ did I _ever_ see as much as a finger go up your butt. And believe me, I looked. I looked very hard,” Mac said matter-of-factly, as if Dennis was lying to him.

“Mac, _please_. Just take my word for it? I may or may not be the owner of multiple toys, okay? _So_ …”

“So?” Mac didn’t know where to proceed from learning all this new information.

“Are you gonna make me say it? Seriously?” Dennis did not like the direction this had taken. Mac needed to shut up and do something.

“Say what?” Mac threw his hands in the air.

“Okay, let’s rewind a bit. Get back to where we were before it derailed.”

“Alright, alright… I’m still confused, though,” Mac retorted. He was still standing by the edge of the bed, kind of hunched over Dennis with one hand.

Dennis decided to ignore his pride for a moment, so they could _finally_ get off. He needed Mac to bring his focus back to where it was a couple of minutes ago.

“I can’t believe you’re making me say this,” he took a moment before he continued in a low, slow voice. “Please, Mac. I want you to put your fingers inside me. Now. Yes, be careful, but not too careful. I want _you_ inside me, I want to _feel_ you. Your strong fingers, your big cock. Can you do that for me, baby boy? _Please_ just fuck me already.”

That did the trick. Mac’s focus had now indeed shifted back to where it was supposed to be. His reaction was inaudible, but nonetheless it spoke volumes. It amused Dennis how a couple of simple words could spellbind him so easily. Mac sat down on his knees again and pinned Dennis’s legs back up to his chest. Dennis’ head fell back onto the bed, closing his eyes, and before he knew it, he felt a wet and soft sensation. His eyes flew open, met by the sight of Mac licking and kissing between his cheeks. It was perhaps one of the best surprises of the night, just the sight alone was something out of one of the dreams he had never acknowledged to himself of ever having dreamt.

“Or your tongue, that’s nice too,” Dennis smirked, head thrown back again.

“Oh yeah?” Mac looked up, in search for Dennis’ eyes. “I love it, too,” he added, before going down again after realizing Dennis’ eyes were no-where to be found.

Dennis loved listening to Mac working on him, the sounds were inexplicably sensual. By closing his eyes, it was as if his sense of touch and hearing were amplified. He could sense Mac’s scent too, he was wearing two different colognes. Dennis didn’t care much for the scent itself, rather than the meaning behind it. Mac would only do that when he wanted to impress Dennis. It made him feel oddly powerful, but that was just the way Dennis was. He _did_ love how much Mac was in love with him, like Dee had said. Before, he would tell himself that it was just because he loved being idolized. That he loved the attention, because he knew he deserved it. He deserved being worshiped. But he hadn’t truly felt worshiped. Not until now, and something inside him told him he wanted to return the favour. That’s when he heard a cap pop open, and subsequently felt a slick finger enter him. _Ahh_ , how he had missed this sensation. 

“You look so good like this, Dennis. Even better than what I pictured in my mind you would.”

After a while, a second finger.

“This slow enough?”

“Nhgh, not a question of speed, here. Give me more, Mac,” he whispered the last sentence.

“Aight, a third one,” Mac smiled wryly, squeezing the bottle of lube again.

“Nah, man. I’m ready. I’m ready for you,” Dennis said hazily, the back of his hand laid on top of his forehead, slightly covering his closed eyes.

No man had ever penetrated him before. He’d fantasized about the moment one finally would, he’d pictured it all. It had taken him so many years. As he heard Mac apply the condom and lubricant to his actual penis, he realized that the moment was finally there. It was right. What he wanted. And it was Mac, like it always should have been. He felt him lean in on top of him, causing him to open his eyes, only to immediately meet Mac’s. He was beautiful.

“Kiss me, Mac.”

Mac was eager to please. He pressed his body against Dennis’, and kissed him deeply. Dennis could feel his erection brushing against his own, and combined with the heavy kiss and his accompanying thoughts, it made him feel euphoric. Still kissing, Dennis reached for Mac’s cock and lead the way. He inserted the head, and after a brief adjustment, Mac started to slowly push deeper inside. _Whoa,_ Dennis was right about 10 inches being too much. At least for now. Mac wasn’t too far off, and it already felt _immense._ Dennis quivered and panted into Mac’s mouth. He parted from Dennis’ to speak again:

“You feel amazing, Dennis,” he smiled. He radiated genuine affection and care. He was still going very slowly, until Dennis reassured him he could pick up the pace, by biting his lower lip and suggestively nodding at him, still maintaining eye contact. 

Dennis wrapped his legs around Mac’s waist. He responded by increasing the speed and force again, and after a bit, Dennis relaxed into it.

“How’s it feel for you?” Mac looked a bit nervous.

“It’s… nice. Just give me a second, I’m not used to, you know, the real deal.”

“Yeah, okay. Just tell me what to do, Dennis, and I’ll do it.”

Dennis finally felt comfortable, and took a moment before he replied.

“Know what, Mac. How bout I _don’t_ tell you what to do, and you just _do_ it?” His words had no malice or annoyance to them, they were just direct. No bullshit.

It was as if they had turned on a switch in Mac’s head, and he immediately wrapped his arms in underneath Dennis’ back, pulling him close. He intensified the pace, and finally Dennis could feel that extra tremble of pleasure inside. He dug his head into Mac’s neck, slightly biting it.

Suddenly Mac picked Dennis’ body slightly up from the bed, and placed him further in on it. They regained their positions, and then he lifted him up into his lap. He held him tightly around his shoulders and back, and Dennis did the same, his head resting on Mac’s shoulder. They were sweaty and hot, and their hands clung desperately to the slippery skin. They moved in unison, and with almost every thrust, Mac hit Dennis’ spot. He had been trying to refrain from moaning and whimpering too much, thinking that revealing _all_ of his true nature at once was too much. But he couldn’t hold it in any longer. He wasn’t loud, but the noises weren’t exactly of the most masculine kind. He let that thought go, and a feeling of liberty washed over him. Before he knew it, he whispered in Mac’s ear, voice heavy with breath:

“This is… ngh, you’re so good, Mac. You’re gonna make me come, baby. I’m gonna-“

He hadn’t even touched himself. All the friction he had needed was the one caused by his own and Mac’s stomachs rubbing against him in between the thrusts. He came in lengthy gusts of bliss onto the both of them. In quick succession, Mac also came, evident from his louder moans and repeating of the words _ahh, Dennis_.

They sat still. Dennis still in Mac’s lap, but with a looser grip around his back than earlier. The only sound filling the room was that of their breaths. He moved his head from Mac’s shoulder, to directly face him, and looked him into his eyes. None of them said anything, until Dennis dropped his gaze and raised his eyebrows, eluding to the fact that Mac was still inside him.

“Oh yeah, sure. Just let me uh… unf-,“ Mac said bashfully.

They shifted, and Dennis got up from the bed to get some tissues. He wiped himself clean, and Mac threw away the condom. He fell back down onto the bed, still messy from Dennis’ come, but he didn’t seem to care. He just laid there on his back, sprawled out with his eyes shut, apparently still trying to bring his breathing back to normal. Dennis stood by the other side of the bed, staring at the man in front of him. The sight made him smile. He climbed back into the bed and carefully started to wipe Mac clean. The gesture was met by low murmurs of content.

“Thanks, man,” Mac muttered, eyes still closed.

Dennis’ reply came in the form of a gentle, soft kiss to Mac’s unsuspecting lips. It made him open his eyes again, in awe of what had just happened, but Dennis just rolled onto his back, in order to lay beside him. They were both staring at the ceiling.

Dennis was hoping they could lay there in silence for a while, but he should have known better. This was Mac, after all.

“Okay so that was… incredible! I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard before, dude. You were amazing, fucking amazing. Like, I didn’t even _think_ it would be _that_ good, but god damned. Holy shit,” Mac had finally caught up with his breath, apparently.

Dennis hesitated answering, he just wanted to do and say nothing. Wanted his mind to stay blank. After a couple of seconds though, he did speak, determined to not fuck the situation up. He would give Mac some credit, but not too much. Keep it balanced.

“Yeah, it was… pleasurable. You did a good job, buddy. Made my dick come pretty hard, that was cool.”

“Really?” Dennis could _hear_ how much Mac’s face had lit up. “I know how finicky you can be in bed, it was kind of intimidating, dude,” he laughed hesitantly.

Dennis smiled. This was _nothing_ like his tapes. Dennis wanted to say so much, but he couldn’t. He felt overwhelmed with _feelings_ , and those never did him anything good. Lost in thought, suddenly he felt an arm on top of his chest. Mac was laying on his side, facing Dennis. He proceeded by grabbing a hold of Dennis’ chest, pulling him close. The front of his body now rested against the back of Dennis’. Mac’s embrace was tight, perfectly so. Dennis placed the palm of his hand gently on top of Mac’s upper arm, and closed his eyes. Falling asleep like this could be okay. Maybe Mac could just leave the talking for tomorrow.

“I’m so happy we did this. Now that I’m gay and you’re kinda gay, it made sense.”

That last bit irked Dennis, but he let it slide. Mac just _had_ to say something like that, how could he expect him not to.

“Dude, let’s just sleep,” Dennis whispered, and Mac complied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave it up to Mac to say some corny shit during and post sex, he’ll never let us down.
> 
> The first proper sex scene I’ve ever written. It was scary and challenging and fun. Hope you guys liked it.


	6. I got the hands to hold onto my baby's arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed my mind and expanded this to 7 chapters, not 6. Needed more space to say what i feel needs to be said.
> 
> Chapter title is a paraphrase from Kurt Vile's "Baby's Arms". This chapter has basically been written to Glenn's Moody Mood Vol. 2 playlist, where it's featured.

_As if in slow motion, all he could hear was breathing. No other sound penetrated his perception. His skin felt warm and sweaty, and the man he was holding on to did too. His hair was wet with sweat, drops trailing down the back of his neck._

_He was watching them from a perspective outside of himself, but he could still sense everything else through his corporeal form. He looked lost and free at the same time. The sight was that of a man experiencing true euphoria for the first time._

_The man underneath him radiated a similar energy. His mouth hung open, eyes closed, arms clinging to the lower back of the lover placed in his lap. His hands were slipping from the warm dew covering both of their skin. His expression was difficult to fully interpret, but to Dennis, it was incredibly beautiful._

_Still in slow motion. The same intense sound of two people breathing around each-other. The image of their bodies intertwined in such an intimate and affectionate state, was enchanting. They were kissing now. Drawn-out, unrestrained, open-mouthed kisses of-_

Dennis awoke. Once he was fully cognizant, a feeling of disappointment seeped over him, frustrated that the dream had ended where it did. His mind always did this to him – good dreams stopped before they should, and bad ones lasted for what felt like days.

Why hadn’t he filmed them yesterday? That way, he wouldn’t have to rely on his fleeting dreams to retell the memory. Then he remembered – he would _never_ film himself with Mac, not like that. He would have to make do with his imagination.

He was no longer completely the same person he had been when he had woken up the day before. He could feel it; a tiny piece had changed. Or had he lost a piece? Perhaps it was an entirely new piece? Dennis knew why he had changed, but he didn’t want to think about it. The feeling the change had brought him, though, was welcomed. He felt lighter, not _as_ tense, even if the difference was miniscule.

They had parted during the night. Mac laid sprawled out on the bed, occupying most of it, leaving only the far edge of one side to Dennis. Sleeping in a bigger bed would have been nice – one more reason why Dennis felt a glimmer of regret for insisting on using Mac’s room. But then again, Mac _always_ would do this, no matter which bed he was laying in. Dennis had been on the verge of kicking him out of Dee’s bed when they had shared it with her and Old Black Man.

Dennis got up and went to the bathroom. He didn’t get to clean his face and do his skincare routine the night before. He had to rectify the possible damage, and spent more time on it than he usually did. When he stepped out and into the living room, Mac was already brewing coffee. He lifted his head to the sound of the closing bathroom door and greeted Dennis with a warm smile. _God, he was so beautiful._ Dennis did a double-take in his mind – that thought was ridiculous, what was wrong with him?! Mac was annoying and tacky, that’s what he was.

“Made you some coffee, it’ll be done in a couple of minutes,” he reached for a couple of pieces of toast, seemingly burnt judging by the smell. Mac never was good at cooking.

“I thought I could make us some eggs and bacon, but we don’t really have like _any_ food in our fridge? Except for beer, but I guess that’s not really food. I don’t know. We have some peanut butter, though! For the toast, I mean.” He was visibly excited. He always got like this, and Dennis couldn’t decide if he loved it or hated it.

“Nah man, I’m not really hungry. I’m liking the coffee smell, though.” It was Dennis’ way of saying _can’t wait for the coffee, it’s always perfect when you make it_.

He took a seat at the dining table, and shortly after Mac joined him in the chair next to him, bringing both of their coffees with him. It _was_ perfect – bitter and very strong, like he always made it. 

Dennis didn’t know how to act. He didn’t want to be too dismissive, but it just didn’t come natural for him to be intentionally affectionate towards someone he’d just slept with. He _never_ wanted them to think that it would become more than a one-time thing. He pretended that this was the same – that it was supposed to never happen again, that he didn’t want it. But that part inside him told him differently. Nonetheless, changing one’s intrinsic pattern of behaviour, spanning over 25 years of your life, is not an easy task. It can’t be done over-night. Dennis didn’t fully want to give Mac the satisfaction of knowing that he made Dennis feel the way he did. It was different when they had only been friends and flatmates, then Dennis never thought twice about how he touched him or the affectionate names he called him by.

He was staring into his coffee cup, holding it between both hands, buying himself time. A hand reached out and placed itself on top of one of his.

“How was it?” Mac asked, a hopeful smile on his face.

“Jesus Mac, jumping straight to it, huh? We don’t _have_ to talk about it, you know.”

“I was talking about the coffee, you dick!" 

 _Oh_. Perhaps Dennis was overthinking it.

“Well, we don’t really _have_ to talk about that either.” _Deflect, deflect, deflect._ “It _is_ quite bitter, and I suspect much too strong compared to how it’s supposed to be.” Getting into a fight about the coffee sounded great.

“It is not! You haven’t said a fucking word about it for the last 15 years, and _now_ you wanna tell me it’s too bitter and too strong?!”

Mac got up, snatched Dennis’ cup from his hands and threw the contents into the kitchen sink.

Dennis instantly regretted his choice.

“You can make your own from now on. And I’m not gonna be there to protect you when you over-heat the filter and burn your hands.” He threw himself on the couch, and turned on the TV. After a moment, Dennis collected his thoughts and spoke again, carefully;

“I didn’t say it was _too_ bitter.”

No response. It looked like Mac folded his arms.

“Or too strong, for _me_. I didn’t.”

Still seated on the couch, Mac slowly turned towards Dennis. He squinted at him, suspiciously. “You didn’t?” his voice monotone.

“Nah… Actually, I kind of really like it that way. I mean, the one Charlie makes at the bar is shit either way, but yeah. The one you make is good.”

Mac got up, walked to the kitchen and got a new cup. He filled it and brought it back to Dennis, and sat down into the chair he’d previously occupied. His body looked stiff and rigid, as if it were straining to contain his anger.

“Thanks,” Dennis said carefully.

“Either way, though. If you’re gonna pretend that last night didn’t happen, I’m gonna be so pissed at you. Like, furious,” Mac said angrily, going back to the subject Dennis _actually_ had brought up, albeit not deliberately.

Why did they have to _talk_ about it? Dennis hated talking about shit like this. His entire body tensed, he gripped the coffee cup too forcefully, and made a deliberate attempt at not lashing out again. No matter how hard this was, he could never pretend to go back to how it was before. He never would be able to put that memory away. But at the same time, he couldn’t see himself _with_ Mac. He couldn’t see how they would be official – people, including the gang, knowing that they were in a _romantic_ relationship together. He couldn’t see them acting how couples did. He couldn’t see them referring to each other as _partners_ or what the fuck kind of label would be applicable to them. But he knew that he wanted what they had shared the night before. He wanted to feel those feelings again, and if he was going to, he could not dismiss Mac now.

“I’m not gonna pretend,” he muttered under his breath.

“Say what now?”

“I’m not gonna pretend, okay? Happy now?” Dennis’ voice was back to its normal, slightly annoyed intonation.

“Oh… good,” Mac hesitated, but continued after a beat. “So that means we’re on, right? I mean, you _did_ say I made you come _really_ hard,” he boasted, smiling confidently.

“Oh, Jesus Christ…”

A puzzled look on Mac’s face. Then, suspicion. “Or maybe you’re just gonna D.E.N.N.I.S. me? Are fucking D.E.N.N.I.S.-ing me, dude?!”

“Relax! I’m not D.E.N.N.I.S.-ing you, idiot! If I were, don’t you think we’d be in _my_ room last night? And I did not say you made me come _really_ hard, I just said you made my dick come.”

That was a lie. He’d said he’d made his dick come _pretty_ hard. Which _actually_ meant that he came harder than he had in _years._ But Mac didn’t need to know that. Not for now, at least.

“Still though, I did. Make you come,” Mac smirked, all smug. He looked very happy with himself. It kind of infuriated Dennis, kind of turned him on. “Didn’t even have to jerk you or blow you, even though I offered. My dick was quite enough.”

Okay, Mac _never_ needed to know. How in the world had they gotten to this conversation? Dennis had to collect himself before he responded, initially he just rolled his eyes and sighed. 

“I will not entertain your inflated ego, so just calm down, will you. _Knew_ I never should have gotten myself into this…,” that last part Dennis muttered under his breath, not wanting Mac to explode again. 

Mac was still grinning. Dennis glanced in his direction, and relaxed his strained face. He smiled carefully. Mac’s face slowly shifted into a pensive expression. He clearly had questions. 

“So… this means you’re gay then? Or like, you could be bi. Like the B in LGBT. Or maybe you’re pansexual, I’ve heard of those. Don’t understand what it means, though, or where the P in LGBT goes. Either way, kinda gay.”

Dennis didn’t want to have this conversation. Mac was asking him questions he did not know the answers to, and didn’t _want_ to know in the first place.

“I’m not gay, Mac. Yes, what we did was pretty gay, not gonna lie, but I’m not. You _know_ how much I like women, though. I made a fucking system dedicated to copulating with as many of them as possible, and named it after myself, for Christ’s sake,” he said calmly, but at the end his tone became strained. He laughed a resigned little laugh.

“Yeah, sure. That’s what the bi part was about, dude. Or pan or whatever.”

“Yeah,” Dennis took a moment to contemplate the idea. “I’m not gonna immediately label myself after sleeping with _one_ guy, though.”

“Okay. Just know that if you want to talk about it, there’s no-one better to turn to than me. I can’t believe I was _this_ gay for 40 years and _never knew_ ,” Mac said, visibly baffled. It actually sounded like he believed his own words.

“Dude, you’ve always known, do not pretend you didn’t! The Ass Pounder 4000? All those times you tried kissing me? Huh? First time in high-school, man. You knew then. At least _I_ knew you were.”

“Speaking of, you _did_ kiss me back a couple of times,” Mac quickly retorted, succeeding at changing the subject.

Dennis laughed in a taunting manner, but inside he was already regretting bringing the subject up.

“You did! I _know_ I felt you reciprocate, if only for a second!”

“Oh, yeah? When?” Frowning, Dennis threw his hands in the air. He was grasping at straws.

“At the Superbowl, when the Eagles won,” Mac said, grinning.

“I did not! You’re fooling yourself,” Dennis was lying, but he would never admit to it. Mac knew, and Dennis knew that he did. 

“Oh yeah, you sure about that?” Mac placed his hand on Dennis’ thigh, and very slowly traced it towards his crotch.

That shut Dennis up. He looked down and kept his gaze on the moving hand for a second or two, before he turned to face Mac directly. He bit his lower lip while staring at Mac’s. Mac responded by closing the short gap between them, and kissed him forcefully. They both got to their feet, and Mac put his hands on Dennis’ hips, before he moved them to his ass. Dennis cupped Mac’s face, and suddenly he was in the air – Mac was carrying him to the couch. _Why was this so fucking hot?_ Once again, he had let himself go, it was as if Mac’s touch allowed him to.

This time Dennis was on top. They were making out heavily, Dennis grinding against Mac’s crotch. He wanted so badly for them to continue, but Mac broke away after a couple of intense minutes. Dennis sat back onto his knees and wiped his mouth while Mac propped himself up to sit parallel to him. Dennis was waiting for Mac to say something, and his expression reflected his impatience.

“It’s just… Something’s that’s been bothering me. I know the reason why you told me you didn’t want me to touch, you… I think. I mean, don’t be mad at me, but… Sometimes I think you feel the need to hide what you really think and feel. Like, you say you hate Dee, but I know you don’t. And for years you pretended to not have feelings, even convinced the rest of the gang you didn’t. But like you said, you have big feelings. And you were always touching me, and I you… even though you knew I was gay and into you. But then after I came out, you suddenly didn’t want me to anymore. That kind of hurt, man.”

Okay, they were doing _this_ now. Dennis had almost intercepted multiple times throughout Mac’s little speech. Every ounce of him wanted to protest the “you love Dee” bullshit, but he managed to control himself. 

“And I’m not gonna pretend like I wasn’t too forward, I get it,” Mac continued when Dennis didn’t respond. “But I listened to your wishes, I stopped touching you and kissing you. I knew you didn’t fully mean it, but if it did make you uncomfortable, I didn’t want that to ruin our friendship. At the same time, though, it felt like you wanted me close when it’s just us, but in public you wanted me to back off. And that shit’s confusing!”

“Yeah… I don’t really know what to say, Mac. You’re right about the last part. I didn’t like you being all over me at the bar or wherever there were… people. I don’t fucking know, but I just can’t see myself like that.”  
  
“Like what? Dude you’ve always been all over me in public before.”  
  
“Yeah, well I don’t know, okay?! It’s like, now everything’s much more real. After you came out. And I don’t… see myself telling anyone. I’m sorry, I just can’t picture it! Telling the gang, being all official. And people were always thinking we were together when we weren’t, and I never could stand it!” It was all true.

Mac looked hurt and empathetic at the same time. He couldn’t seem to meet Dennis’ eyes anymore, and Dennis just wanted him to look up again. Or to fight him, that could make it easier and they could just stop this whole thing right there and then. But the more he thought about it, the more he didn’t want to.

“But uhm… Yesterday was awesome, man. And I do see that happening again. I mean, I want it to.” It was so hard to say, but felt incredibly freeing. Dennis wasn’t used to being honest. He lied about everything, always had to make people think he was something he wasn’t.

“Yeah?” Mac raised his head again, a careful smile on his lips.

“Yeah. And I never fuck anymore more than twice, so you’re a lucky one,” he smirked and winked at Mac. Had to break the tension between them.

Mac reacted with a frown, but it was obviously fake. He was on the verge of grinning.

“If I’m gonna bang you again, you better tell me what’s been on your mind the last three weeks though, dude. After I started ignoring you, you were acting kinda strange.”  
  
“That’s bullshit. I was my normal, mellow self. Not my fault you were cancelling movie nights.” Why was he calling him out like this? It was almost too much.

“It literally was your fault, douche. Almost felt like you missed me,” Mac taunted him.

Even though it was obvious to them both that they had been playing a game all that time, seeing who would be the first to break and touch the other one, it was difficult to admit. Dennis didn’t want to be the first one to say it when he also actually _had_ lost the game in the first place. 

“Well, if you’re not gonna say something, I will. I noticed you checking me out when we were watching The Expendables 2 the other day. You totally did!” Mac added when Dennis tried to protest. “So when I came out of the shower the next day, when you thought we were gonna get stupid water damage, I _knew_ you would again. And you did,” He grinned. “But the truth is, I only did that to make you want me. Like, I had a _feeling_ that you wanted to reach out both those times, and I just wanted you to let go of your pride. I missed you, but no way in _hell_ was I gonna be the first one to admit it, not after your “seminar” bullshit. I was so mad at you.” Mac was staring at the floor, his grinning face had turned expressionless. 

“Okay, fine. It was really weird to not have you around the way you always have since we moved in together. But that doesn’t mean I was…,” Dennis changed his mind. He would be a bit more truthful, but not too. A compromise. ”Maybe I did kind of miss having you close. Maybe.” 

Mac just smiled for a while. “I knew you did.” He placed a soft little kiss on Dennis’ lips. Dennis smiled, too. _What was it about this intimacy that turned him into such a mess?_ Kissing and smiling, talking about feelings and “the truth” and other horrible things he’d pledged to himself of never acknowledging. It was scary.

“There’s another thing,” Mac said carefully, knowing that Dennis was almost at the edge of what he was able to talk at least semi-openly about.

“Yes?”

“I know it’s stupid but… like… did you really mean it when you said I was ugly? Cause like, I could change for you. If you want me to be beefier, I mean.”

Oh my God. That line really _had_ gotten to him, hadn’t it. The admission gave Dennis tremendous satisfaction from knowing that his words did hit where he intended them to. But in another way, it was almost sad to see just how fragile Mac’s confidence was. Sadly funny. It took _so_ much for Dennis to take it back and admit that he was lying.

“Well… I don’t want you to be beefier. That would mean we can’t have our monthly dinners anymore, cause all you’ll eat is chicken breast, protein shakes and fight milk. And it’s bad enough already, that shit’s disgusting by the way, all of it.” He paused, looked up into the ceiling for a moment, and then back down into Mac’s eyes and continued;

“And no, I don’t find you ugly, Mac. I mean, thank _god_ you stopped slicking back your hair and wearing Hawaii shirts, those did not do you _any_ favours… But yeah… uhm, you’re pretty hot, dude.” _What the fuck was wrong with him?_ It was as if his consciousness had taken the back seat.

Mac’s eyes lit up. His smile was so wide, it was almost insane. Dennis raised his eyebrows at him, signalling how ridiculous he looked. Mac gathered himself, but couldn’t help but smile contently. He shifted and took a seat in the couch as if he was going to watch TV, but instead grabbed a hold of Dennis and made him straddle him. Dennis looked down into his eyes for a prolonged, silent moment, until Mac whispered;  
  
“Tell me… why is it you think I’m hot?” 

Dennis smiled and rolled his eyes. Did he really have to answer that?

“Well,” he said in a low, murmuring voice, “your arms are your forte.” He hated how much satisfaction Mac got from this, but at the same time he loved it.

“Uh huh, tell me how.”  
  
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but they _are_ beefy. And strong – you’ve been fucking carrying me around this whole apartment.” Dennis took a moment before he continued; “I love it, you carrying me. Your arms wrapped around me, holding me in place. Your shoulders yesterday as you were on top of me, they looked so _good_ , man. So protective, so _nice_.” He couldn’t believe the words escaping his own mouth, who even _was_ he?!

Mac’s mouth hung half-open, spellbound by Dennis’ words. It made Dennis want to continue praising him. He whispered, his mouth an inch away from Mac’s; “Your hands, they’re beautiful. Especially your fingers. I _loved_ feeling them inside me, fucking me. They did it better than my own ever have.” He took Mac’s hand in his own, lead it to his lips and put his index finger inside his mouth, sucking gently at it while his tongue wrapped around it.

Without saying a word, Mac stood up – Dennis still straddling him – and walked them into his bedroom. Once there, he lived up to his offer from the night before, and for the second time in less than 24 hours, Dennis received pleasure only Mac’s tongue could give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dennis has maybe become a bit too nice and soft in the past 2 chapters for my liking, but i honestly feel like he would change a lot, especially (maybe only) to Mac, from allowing himself to feel what he feels. Feel free to chime in with your opinion.


	7. All the things that I’ve run from are the things that completeness could come from

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tying up some slight loose ends. Sometimes these guys just gotta talk! And sometimes baby steps are enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of chapter 6, this is set later the same day, and then some days later.
> 
> I took some creative liberty here and chose to implement a deleted scene into the canon. You’ll know which one.
> 
> Chapter title taken from Do Not Let Your Spirit Wane by Gang of Youths.
> 
> In the end notes I touch on my thoughts about Dennis’ sexuality, and how I incorporated that into the story.

“... And it’s like their brains are intertwined. Kinda like eight minds in eight people at the same time, it’s crazy. And there’s one Indian girl, this German mobster dude, and this Mexican gay couple. Holy shit, they’re so hot. I mean, as a gay man, I just can’t  _not_  watch this show! They’re all sort of bi and there’s an evil mind invader and martial art fight scenes and beefy dudes…”

Mac was talking enthusiastically about some show he’d apparently been watching, however Dennis wasn’t paying attention. His thoughts were elsewhere, but he didn’t mind Mac’s constant babbling. It had turned into a steady stream of background sound. He was thinking about more important things. Things he wanted to tell Mac, things he wanted to stay buried for the rest of his life. It was later in the afternoon. They were still laying in Mac’s bed, both had fallen asleep for an hour. Dennis was laying on his back, with Mac’s head and chest resting on top of his upper body. He thought about how the weight felt comforting, how it was as if it anchored him. Allowed him to think in a somewhat balanced manner.

“… And then, when they were in the pool, they were all banging each-other! And they weren’t really in the pool, only that German wolf-guy, but they  _were._  It was so cool, I wasn’t even grossed out by the women or any-“

“And your smile,” Dennis said suddenly.  
  
“What?” Mac mumbled, confused.

“I mean, your face. It’s beautiful. Your smile, your eyes.”

“You’re almost scaring me here, dude.  _Beautiful_? That’s a word you’ve only ever used to describe cars, weapons and yourself.”  _Except for that one time he’d said Mac’s lips were beautiful, had he forgotten all about that?_

“Oh, and earlier, when you were seducing me. You said I had “beautiful hands” or something. I was like, what the hell is going  _on_?" 

“So you  _don’t_  wanna hear it then, that’s what you’re saying? No worries, I’ll shut up.” Dennis knew Mac didn’t want him to, but he would if he was going to taunt him. 

Mac lifted his head to meet Dennis’ gaze. “No, no, no.  _Dude_ , I’m just not used to you being all… nice?”

“Wow, you’re  _really_ winning me over here,” Dennis rolled his eyes.

“Fuck! Sorry, it’s just… you know how you can be sometimes. But I love it. Thank you, Dennis. That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he beamed.

Dennis let it slide, smiled, and wrapped his arms around Mac’s back. He didn’t have to say anything.

“I know you know this, but I think you’re fucking beautiful too, Dennis. Like, I know how I’m really into men’s physique and all, and there’s no denying that Henry Cavil in the latest Mission Impossible movie was ripped and beefy as  _fuck._ ” Mac was right, there was no denying that fact.  _That bathroom fight scene, unf._ “But you’re hotter.”

As much as Dennis did not want to admit it, his age had somewhat caught up with him. Every day he tried to prevent it, but he  _had_  gained some weight. Mac was currently stroking the most affected area – his lower belly and hips – but it didn’t make him feel nearly as insecure as he would if someone else was touching him there. By no means was he insecure about his body in other settings, after all he  _was_  the Golden God, but deep down he knew that he couldn’t compete with men like Rex, or Henry Cavil for that matter.

“What do you say, we take a shower? I’m sweaty as shit, and we need to get to the bar ASAP,” Dennis finally said. Mac wasn’t hard to ask, and quickly got out of the bed to lead the way.

Once in the shower and the water was on, Mac wrapped his arms around Dennis from behind. Dennis’ inner voice made him aware of how weird this was – the two of them standing like this. How had it come to this? How were they standing there naked,  _hugging_  in the shower? It felt even more intimate than the sex had, and the realisation made Dennis feel slightly sick. Even so, the intimacy was nice, too. It felt strangely familiar, and he let  _that_  feeling replace the sickness in the pit of his stomach.

They just stood there for a while, enjoying the hot water and each-other’s touch. Mac’s head was on Dennis’ shoulder. In any other situation, he would have been driven nuts by the sound of his breathing, but in this one he wasn’t. Dennis turned around, so that they were facing towards each-other, and embraced him. He closed his eyes and held him tight. Something told him Mac was smiling, and in his mind, he could see it. He searched for Mac’s mouth. His tongue was warm and slippery, and even though the shower water made the kiss a bit awkward, he tasted so good. Kissing was never something Dennis had cared much for before, but in that moment, it was all he wanted to do. He hadn’t intended for the shower to turn into  _this_  kind of shower, it had just happened. Before he realized it, Mac was turning hard against his own growing erection, and after spending some time convincing himself, he pulled away from Mac’s lips. He looked very disappointed, his puppy eyes practically begging Dennis to return to their previous activity.

“Dude, we have to get going. Haven’t even cleaned ourselves yet,” Dennis said, trying to convince Mac that this wasn’t the time.  
  
“But Dennis,  _please_. You didn’t have to slide your tongue inside my mouth like that if you weren’t going to get me off.” He pouted.

Dennis grabbed the shower gel and started to cover his own body in the foamy lather while simultaneously continuing the conversation; “Dude, I was just going on auto pilot, didn’t mean to. I’m halfway hard myself, this isn’t easy for me either. But we should have left like 5 minutes ago, and the water is soon turning cold, so… lather up,” he demanded, placing the shower gel bottle into Mac’s hand.

“Ah, okay, then. Ugh. Why can’t I lather  _you_  up, though?” Mac raised a suggesting eyebrow. 

“Dude, that’s  _not_  gonna help our situation here,” Dennis gestured to both of their crotches; “besides, I’m already all lathered up,” he said, self-satisfied. 

Mac did as he said. Maybe it was odd, but the thought of letting someone else essentially  _clean_  him, intimidated Dennis. He was glad he had an excuse – having Mac do something so mundane and domestic, yet inherently intimate, to his body was not something he was quite ready for. The awkwardness alone… he dreaded the thought. 

When they had both washed off, they hurried to dry off and get dressed. Dennis could still feel what was left of his arousal when he eyed Mac running the towel over his body, despite trying to ignore it. When Mac passed him on the way out of the bathroom, though, he ran his hand down Dennis’s stomach and rested it just above his pubic area. He met Dennis’ eyes, held the gaze for a prolonged moment, before he smirked, looked down and briefly cupped him. Dennis was just about to give in and forget about work, when Mac walked out the door and called out “that’s what you get!” from the living room, laughing.

** … **  

**“** You didn’t like that, huh? Me leaving you hanging, so to speak?”  
  
They were in the Range Rover, on the way to the bar.

** “ ** I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dennis’ brow was slightly raised.

“Relax, I’m just messing with you, dude. Besides, about time you got a little taste of your own medicine.” He was teasing him and Dennis didn’t like it.

“Honestly Mac, sometimes you make no sense. I haven’t got the  _faintest_ clue what you’re on about!” The pitch of his voice was betraying him.

“I mean here you have been controlling me with your hands and words since like  _ever_ , and now finally I can pay you back," Mac said, face smug.

No, he absolutely couldn’t. No-one could control Dennis, whether through touch or any other mean. He was a master of self-restraint and control.

Mac put his left hand on Dennis’ right thigh and gently squeezed.

Okay, maybe Mac could. Just a little bit. He was looking at Dennis, he noticed from the corner of his eye. That wholesome smile he smiled when he was giving Dennis the RPG, had returned.  _“Because I know you, man”_. It made Dennis want to reach for his hand, but he didn’t.

“Not my fault you’ve always been very sensitive to my touch, man,” Dennis responded instead, matter-of-factly.

“Dude this is the reason I backed away from you in the first place – you can’t admit to always having to control me!” Mac removed his hand from Dennis’ thigh, and folded it with his other one in his chest.

Dennis took advantage of the awkward silence to weigh his response. Ever since his teens, and even more so after he became an adult, he had been in a constant state of needing to control himself and the world around him. He had disguised it to himself as a natural ability he had – a gift or a choice, as opposed to a need that was actually controlling  _him_. But he knew better now.

“If I always wanted to control you, there would be a tape with your name on it in my drawer.”

Mac didn’t respond, but he was listening.

“We wouldn’t have had sex the first time in _your_  bed. Or any other time, for that matter. And I wouldn’t have let you fuck me like that.” 

They were pulling up outside of Paddy’s, and Dennis stopped the car. He turned towards Mac – the calm expression on his face made him think that he had understood what he’d meant. Neither said anything for a while. Perhaps Mac realised that fully admitting to his issues with control, and how said issues manifested themselves in his behaviour, was too much, and too invasive for that moment to delve into. If he did, maybe he also understood that something had changed in him, if only incrementally.

Mac put his hand back on Dennis’ thigh and briefly kissed him, before he jumped out of the car calling out; “You said we were late, come on baby!”

…

“You still haven’t answered my question from the other day.”

It had been a couple of days. They were at the bar, it was Thursday evening and consequently, they were practically alone. Dennis stood behind the counter, Mac sat on a stool on the other side, reading a magazine. Charlie had been there earlier, apparently bashing a couple of rats in the basement, but they hadn’t seen him since. Dee was nowhere to be found, and Frank was at a burlesque bar with Artemis, according to Charlie.

“What now?” Dennis didn’t quite catch what Mac had said.

“You haven’t answered my question from the other day,” he looked up from the magazine.

“About what? Dude, it’s impossible to remember all the weird questions you ask me…,” he smiled tauntingly, but in an affectionate way.

“Like... I mean, if we’re like-“ Mac hesitated and closed his eyes, perhaps thinking that not being able to see would make it easier to finish the sentence. “If we’re  _on_ , so to speak. Cause like in my mind, we kinda always were? We  _just_   _now_  got to the physical part of it. Like, the sexing, I mean,” Mac whispered the last part, as if the 70-year-old drunk in the corner could hear him.  
  
Christ, he could be so odd sometimes. And how many times did he have to use the word “like”?

“Well, I kinda told you I’m not into labels, Mac.”  
  
“That didn’t seem to bother you when you married Maureen and became her husband, though. That’s quite the label!” Mac was only making a point, but in his "normal" semi-aggressive tone.  
  
“That was different, and you know it. Besides, let’s just fucking roll with this and see where it leads us. Like you said, nothing has really changed, except for the sexing part," Dennis reassured him.

That wasn’t true. Everything had changed, at least in some way. When they were watching TV, touching elbows was no longer enough. Dennis didn’t sleep in his own room anymore. When he showered, Mac was there. At the bar, when no one paid attention, Mac would stroke him in places no-one else was allowed to. Dennis actually felt halfway good. The ever-lingering  _need_  for control had subsided slightly, leaving him a bit more balanced than before. When he let Mac take the lead, it almost disappeared, if only for the moment.

“I don’t care that you don’t know who you are, I just wanna know what  _we_ are.”  
  
“Well, if you think we’re gonna be boyfriends and hold hands, you’re wrong,” Dennis proclaimed intently.  
  
“Dude, we kind of already are. You held my hand like 10 minutes ago. Half an hour before that you were whimpering my name,” he said lazily, knowing that he was absolutely right.

“That’s- that’s just simply not true, I was-“

“Don’t even try telling me it’s a lie,” Mac retorted, dead serious.

“Well, maybe not a lie, but… Just don’t expect me to proclaim my love for you in front of the gang and all,” Dennis said firmly.

“Your  _love_ for me?” Mac almost laughed as he said it.

_ Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. _

“You mean the totally straight love a man would have for his, let’s say, brother? Or the love he has for the man, uh let me get this right, who’s cock he described as beautifully shaped, perfect for his mouth?” Mac raised his eyebrows, tauntingly, his smile suggestive.

Dennis tried to protest, only to be instantly shut down; “Your own words man, not mine.” Mac was  _so_  satisfied with himself.

Dennis didn’t mean to imply that he actually loved Mac, but he wasn’t going to deny it either. That would do none of them any good. Instead, Dennis just smiled bashfully, pretending to cut limes. He was good at pretending - all his life he had spent so much energy trying to convince himself and everyone else that he wasn't capable of love. That such a disposition was beneath him, and even if it wasn't, no-one was worthy of receiving it. The thought of loving someone scared him greatly, and even more so did the feeling he got when Mac wrapped his arms around him the way he did every morning in bed. He knew how much Mac loved him, and how willing he was to tell every person in the world about it. The thought was comforting and simultaneously frightening, because now Dennis knew that his love was something he wanted more than anything, and what he would have to do to keep it, went against every fibre of his being.  
  
After a while, Mac picked up the conversation again, apparently he had been contemplating something;

“No labels… Maybe I can tolerate that. As long as we stay like this, and you don’t freak out. Don’t repeat that "seminar" callout shit, ever. And I’ll try my hardest not to tell the gang, but you better not fucking test me with your bullshit, you know me,” It wasn’t a threat, as much as a confession. “I’m no good with secrets, and Dee can always fucking smell it whenever I have one.”  
  
That was as good a compromise as Dennis could ever have expected. He stopped focusing on the limes and walked out from behind the bar to go to Mac. He smiled at him, lovingly.

“And by “bullshit”, I also mean the scratching, dude! I’m serious, you’re gonna fuck up my face on day.”

Dennis laughed, but he knew he shouldn’t. “Alright, alright. I’ll stop with the scratching, but you better look at me when you’re talking to me, then,” he joked.

“Uhm, you know what,  _some_  scratching will be permitted, but you know which ones I’m talking about,” Mac smirked. Dennis did too, as he rested his hand on Mac’s back, underneath his t-shirt, just below where his nails had left marks the night before.

“Guys, I have news, I have terrible news!” the basement door flew open. Screaming loudly, a tripping Charlie emerged from it.

Dennis moved his hand out from under Mac’s t-shirt, and to Mac’s surprise, placed it on his shoulder instead. Charlie didn’t notice, and if he did, he apparently had bigger things to think about.

“Jesus, what is it Charlie? And what’s that  _disgusting_  smell?" Dennis was appalled by both the smell and the sight.

“Don’t you worry about the smell, that’ll adjust itself. What we should be worried about is the slug problem we have on our hands. Now, my assessment is that we have about 873 of them downstairs, all spread out. They’ve taken over, man. Eating our limes and sugar and shit, they’re having the time of their lives! Now, I’ve bashed about half of them, but it just gets worse! I mean, there’s no blood like with rats, no brains or feces, but Frank imported those monstrously big ones, so there’s just goo all over the place. A slimebath, of sorts.” 

Dennis and Mac looked at each other stunned, they were both thinking the same thing.

“Okay,  _we’re_  out of here. I don’t want  _anything_ to do with your slug slimebath, consider us both on sick leave until you’ve sorted that shit out,” Dennis announced in a high pitch, dragging Mac with him out the front door.

“One tip, buddy:  _bashing_  the slugs isn’t the  _best_  way of getting rid of them!” Mac added as the door shut behind them.

Back in the car, Mac was grinning in the passenger seat. “One more thing – when are we banging in the Range Rover?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe Dennis’ notorious need for control, and particularly controlling women in a sexual manner, stems from early sexual trauma and 25 years of repressing who he really is. If he starts to finally let himself be who he is (as he does here), that need for control will eventually fade. It will take time, and he will go through multiple relapses, but it will dissipate. I don’t think he’s gay, but he put so much effort into supressing his fantasies about being fucked by men, that he didn’t even want to consider the possibility of being anything but straight. That denial didn’t manifest itself in an ultra-masculine personality and look, as it does in many men with internalized homophobia, but rather he became the embodiment of toxic masculine objectification of women. He views women as tools, only there to serve his sexual needs. By having as many as possible, he’s signalling to the world around him how straight he is, thereby reinforcing his denial of himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading my little story. To all of you who commented and left kudos, especially. It means a great deal. Please feel free to share it with people you think would like it.


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